I've fallen and can't get up!

Dear Auntie Muriel,
   I have been sick for a long time and am not up to completing my studies for this month. I am at a loss as to what to craft, even how to craft anything lately. I don't want to lose my place in my beloved house. I like playing along with my year mates and all, but just can't keep up right now. What do you advise in my situation?
Sincerely,
A forlorn student

Dear Forlorn,
  How dreadful to be so ill! You have my sincere empathy.  I hope you get well soon, as I'm sure my readers do too.
   The first thing I would do is speak with your Head of House to inform of your situation. In that message, also indicate whether you have completed any homework for this month. They can give you an excused absence for the months you are unable to complete homework.
   If your illness should last longer than the term, you have a couple of options. You can either play as a Student on Sabbatical  or as a Sorted Student next term, depending on whether you think you'll be able to keep up with assignments.
   Students on Sabbatical, SOSs, retain their year status if they want to, but are excused from the requirement of handing in homework every month. Other than that, you would still be able to hang out in your lovely house common room and your dormitory as well.  They can also participate in all the other activities around the castle. Like NQFYs, SOSs do not earn points for their houses.
  If you think you'll be able to keep up with assignments, then it is better to go through next term as a Sorted student and complete at least the one homework per month. After completing the one homework, assess your energy and time availability and decide whether to do more homework, Quidditch, Unity projects, or any of the other projects going on around the castle. Remember, after the first class all other things are gravy, as Boppingbeth was found of telling us NQFYs when I was in the Waiting Room.
   I hope this helps to ease your mind and reduces your anxiety about keeping up with assignments.  Just do your best. Keep in contact with your Head of House. And, remember, it is a game and is meant to be fun!
Yours fondly,
Auntie Muriel

Dear Auntie Muriel,

I have friends in each house and we all like spending time together in our dorms, common rooms and the Great Hall. Everyone is just so nice here. Anyways, I was wondering, if you please, what do you do to relax? What with school work and missions, OWLs and NEWTs, and, can't forget, Quidditch, when do you find time to do what needs doing and not get tangled in Devils' Snare vines? I'm nervous about failing my studies and letting others down. I don't want to disappoint anyone. What do you suggest?

Humbly submitted,

a student

Well, now, that is an interesting letter there. Lots of stuff to unpack as they say. Let's see, first, I'll start with how I approach the month. I finish any little niggling project for Detention, that's an easy 10 points right there. Then, I see if there's a class or Quidditch prompt that speaks to me. If so, I craft that. If not, I consult my chart of projects to make and gifts I want to give for the year and see if any of them sparks an idea. If not, I'll do a random pattern search. Eventually, something will say, "Me! Me!" It gets made and turned in for the class or Quidditch. I do the same for the other, class or Quidditch, yet to be done. That gets us to a total of 40 points, this term.

Then, I think on whether my OWL is at 50%, or mission or NEWT or what have you, from biggest to smallest of those. I work on whatever needs the most work at this time for that project. Once I get the project in question to a good stopping point for the month, then I focus on another large project or more classes. By this time in the month, I'm looking to do something different, so that gives me a little break, but I've also worked on what's needed.

This is my process. Your process may evolve to be different. Mine is still evolving, depending on how much the larger projects remind me of bowtruckles. 

Now, about the second part of your letter, you thought I'd forgotten, hadn't you? The only pressure you have on you is that which you give yourself. Everyone else is totally excited to see you complete even a little bit, that we don't care if things fall through and don't get completed. The only caveat to that is to post at least one class a month, or risk the Vanishing Cabinet, which we wouldn't wish on anyone. 

I suggest the use of a calendar or other timekeeping device to track House Cup dates. There's a Google calendar for the House Cup that can be downloaded into your digital calendar device, which has all the dates for Quidditch, Missions, OWLs, NEWTs, and Ravelympics. You can have that in your calendar easy-peasy and not have to worry whether you've missed a deadline. You can also set it to adjust to your time, so, when things are due at midnight POT, you can see when that is in your timezone.  

Also, there are a few places to find spreadsheets of which classes require which prompts for the month. Hufflepuff has the HECK thread, while other houses have similar threads. GazeboGal has an amazing spreadsheet process for her crafting. If you ask nicely, she might share her process with you. If not, it is worth searching the old Great Hall threads for it.

And, last, but not least, I would suggest that you practice what the muggles call deep breathing to invoke the relaxation response. You are your best advocate and your worst critic. Learn to be happy with good enough. Don't try to please others, or try to read their minds, you don't know what they are thinking unless you ask, and then only what they are willing to share with you. Know your limits, and live within them.

That's all for now, folks!

What to do if your significant other is in a different house?

Last time, dear readers, we enjoyed looking at the fears of mother and child on their ways to separating for a term at Hogwarts. This time our letter comes from a younger Hufflepuff, whom has strong feelings for an upper class man who happens to be housed in Gryffindor. Now, at this tender age, let's see, she states she is 13 and a half, my what a grown up young lady, yes, quite. Now, she likes a young man whom she refers to as RL, and he is a 5th year in Gryffindor.

She really would like me to keep as much of her letter in confindence as she doesn't want to be teased by her cetelings. Now, we wouldn't want that at all for Miss Nym--, oops! Almost let the werewolf out on a moon filled night. Now, we definitely wouldn't care for that, now would we? Most assuredly not!

Now, let's see, her family has been Slytherins and Hufflepuffs. The H8ufflepuffs would adore anyone, so they aren't really concerned with in group and out group dynamics, as they mostly put everyone they meet into the in group. However, Slytherins are less immediate with that tendency. They would rather not get hurt, so most folks fall into the out group. For those relatives, our young lady friend would have tremendous worries regarding them warming up to an outsider.

Her classmates would likely not think too hard on such a union. I foresee that this couple will have trouble from ... possibly ... RL not considering that he is in a group of any kind, and thus, unlikeable, yet even more unlovable. Those whom are hurt much, dearly deserve to belong to a group, but sometimes don't feel as though there is a group that likes them. This may not be reality, just the Dementors attacks on a person till their resistence is broken and they welcome the kiss of the Dementors. Though, thankfully, the Dementors are all locked up again in Azkaban.

For those whom the Dementors like we need to take special care to show them extra kindness, and let them know they do deserve a place in the world and to be liked by other than Dementors, and to belong. Without the sense of belonging, one cannot reach one's greatest potential to quote that supposedly muggle psychologist, Maslow and his hierarchy.

Those whom fate has put additional burdens on have a hard time getting to the belonging stage, let alone becoming their fullest potential. So, when you see someone who is struggling with something, instead of impatience or irritation as your response and feeding the Dementors, take a moment, breathe a little deeper than usual, and ask if there is any way to help. Don't take a negative response from the one struggling as a personal thing, they may not know that the Dementors want them to be struggling and irritated and irrational when offered help. It's not personal to you what the other person does, it is only personal to them.

I'm sorry to get into such a low space with you, my dear readers, let's try to think of how to move forward with a smile on our heart and our faces, now there's a good food for thought.

Sincerely,
Auntie Muriel

Going Away for the First Time

Dear Auntie Muriel,


I'm so worried about my precious daughter. She will be going to Hogwarts this next term. This will be the first time she's been away from home, her father and I, as well as her many brothers. I would like to talk with her about what my mother lovingly referred to as the swallowtails and honeybees. I just have no idea where to start. Her brothers were easier as their father handled the discussion and I just provided a woman's perspective. But with my dear Guenevol, where do I start?

Most sincerely,
 A concerned mother

Dear Auntie Muriel,

My mom adores your column, so I just know she'll be writing to you before I start my new term at Hogwarts. I know she'll be worried about me and boys and being on my own. But, I won't really be on my own. I have four older brothers who are upper class men this next term. Yes, it will be my first long term stay away from home. That's actually, what I'm more worried about. I won't know where the lights are when I'm hungry before popping in to bed. I'll have to learn to set my own timer for studies and having fun and doing the things that need doing daily and weekly. How do I handle it all? And, how do I let my mom know I'm going to be okay?

Laters,

 Gwennie

Today's letters came in this week. The new term has just begun this week at Hogwarts. We love having the witches and wizards learn magic in a controlled environment. But, that can bring predicaments for both the parents and children. I selected the letter from the mother as it represents how many moms of daughters feel, and with the Yankee holiday Mother's Day just around the corner, I felt it important to share a mother's concerns as she lets go of her daughter a little. On the other end of the spectrum, is a young lady more concerned with the practicalities of life than with holding off the strange eleven year old boys.

My advice for both ladies is the same. Talk with each other. Share your fears. Know that the other really does love you, no matter how it seems at times. By sharing what you need from the other to feel safe and sharing what you will do if not feeling safe, you create a space for both sets of fears and hopes to be heard and understood.

Dear Readers, do you have any words of wisdom for our two ladies? What would you do in their situations? Who do you identify with more, and why?

For future columns, who would you like highlighted? What issue would be fun to read about? Canon characters or House Cuppers that you'd love to see highlighted? Let me know what you are interested in.